Marriage and having kids

'The Midrash BEN ISH HAI Message and Discussion Area': Jewish Singles: Marriage and having kids
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BenIshHai (Benishhai_q)

Wednesday, June 07, 2000 - 11:38 pm Click here to edit this post
this is a topic which we hear a lot, as you may all be familiar, in Jewish religion getting married is being commanded in order to fulfill the miswa of go forth and multiply. but there are instances in which both parties are not capable of fulfilling that miswa right away due to the circumstances which hinder them to do so until the right time arrives. this could arise from financial difficulties, being in the middle of school, and many other legitimate reasons. the question arises what if having children is almost impossible right after marriage due to the circumstances which was mentioned above, should you not get married and remain single and possibly loose the chance of marring your ultimate sole mate, and stay single in a corrupted society which we live in and fall in to sinful situations, or get married and have children in a short while when situation is right.

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David1 (David1)

Sunday, June 11, 2000 - 01:43 pm Click here to edit this post
You have a very "holy" username, but I doubt the Ben Ish Hai would agree with what you suggest. I don't see the logic of what you are saying, If we are commanded to "go forth and multiply", what does school have to do with it? If you wait till you are financially"secure" you'll probably never have kids. Life soesn't stop after marriage or after kids.

Your choice between "stay single in a corrupt society and fall into sinful situations, or get married and have children when the situation is right" is like asking should I eat bread that's not 100% kosher or chips that are not 100% kosher? If the commandment is to go forth and multiply then that is what we have to do.

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Michael David ben Avraham (Michaeldavid)

Wednesday, June 14, 2000 - 08:33 am Click here to edit this post
Shalom: The first mitzwa in the Torah is: be fruitful and multiply. HaShem leads us to our beshrt. If you have found your beshrt, then follow the lead of Avraham avinu and trust HaShem. The "perfect mate" does not exist. No one is perfect. When you become irritated by her imperfection, realize that HaShem is testing you. Honor and respect your spouse. Treat her like a queen and she will treat you like a king. Make your decisions together. Raise up children to love the Torah, they will be for you a treasure. A child learns the love of HaShem for His people by the example of loving parents. Kol Tuv. (

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Jacob H. Bechtel IV (Papajake)

Monday, October 09, 2000 - 03:53 pm Click here to edit this post
Shalom:I'm an old man in an older town and in circumstances that do not permit me to share my life with another of my faith. I do not consider myself a "good Jew", but I am passionately a Jew. I am a long way from perfect and can read Torah only in english. I rely on prayer for guidance. I am twice married, the first wife gave me 6 children, the second 1 child. The Lord sent the children without consulting us. Four of my children were born while I was a student, one before I entered school. No matter how frugal you are - 7 children to care for does not place you in the affluent sector of american society. My first wife and I still share joys with and for our children - we were not "soulmates and the marriage had problems that ultimately made it a better world for our children if we did not stay together. My second wife abandoned her step children after sending them to school one morning, taking their infant sister with her. They share nothing with her, they have removed all reference to her from their lives and will not speak her name. Whenever possible they have tried to share their lives with their youngest sister. The youngest child has recently tried to renew her family ties - she is 19 now and is not permitted to communicate with me or her siblings openly. She does try too though. Two of my children are career military - Kosher is not a real opportunity for them. One keeps a Kosher home as a single mother. My youngest son looks for foods that are Kosher in a gentile store (we have no kosher stores in Ottumwa). My point is - we marry hoping that we have chosen a "soul mate" this is not always true. The child(ren) G_d gives us from this union are ALWAYS a blessing, they are a TRUST - the Torah commands us to provide our wife with whatever she needs to "raise up the children in the ways of the Lord" - if we are mindful of our Lord's will our children will be the jewel in the crown of a goodly life. My children have given me 6 grandchildren - all are beautiful loving children of G_d.
One of my children is today a passive Jew - believing like her mother that being born of a Jewess is everything. Two of my children are active practicers, searching out ways to be more faithful practicers. Four of my children continue to live the principles that they were taught while not being active members of the Family - they still show the world a G-d fearing lifestyle. I am proud of them all. Of all the blessings G_d has given me - my children are the greatest. Do not deny G-ds will because you don't think you are ready, or have enough money, etc. etc. Trust in the Lord and He will show you the way. The joy in the voice of my grandson when he calls me to tell me of the latest Torah lesson he has learned is worth every penny I ever earned.
I am not a scholar, just a poor old jew. I can't quote Torah BUT I have known the love of a child and grandchild. It is the greatest joy you will ever know until you stand before Him.

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salman haim (Haim)

Friday, October 27, 2000 - 05:34 am Click here to edit this post
shalom to all of you.
we are in SHABATH Bereshit. There is the first command to get married and to have children.
We have to follow this command without asking where we will get our needs to raise our children. there is a great book of rabbi Eli'ezer Papoo z"l in which he says that you have to beleive that Hashem give every one his needs and says that even if you were alone in the world you wouldn't be able to get anything more that Hashem want to give you and even if the population of the world was twice nothing would be less than what Hashem want to give you.
I have a great experience with my sons who had nothing and got married during their studies and they had the help of Hashem in every step they did and they are happy with their wives and sons.
So my dear fellows go on following the commands of Hashem and you will be helped during you ways by Hashem Amen

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Haim salman (Haimsalman)

Sunday, March 11, 2001 - 10:37 pm Click here to edit this post
I would like to know if anybody followed my suggestions above and has got married?

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Wednesday, March 07, 2007 - 07:26 am Click here to edit this post

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